I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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