the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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