sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
