He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he was CRYING into my vagina
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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