i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
