Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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