This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
