I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
