That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
