yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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