dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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