She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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