i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
