I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
