I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
