when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
