Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
