this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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