Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
