I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
