apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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