I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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