My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
