oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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