Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
