i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
