Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
