STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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