Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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