The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
