I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
