I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
