how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
