Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
