I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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