Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
