I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
