ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
