Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
