I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
