who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
