i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
