If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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