HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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