You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
