We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
