I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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