I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
