I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
