dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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