This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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