My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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