You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
