got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
